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A Woman On The Verge

thoughts and musings of my mind

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Family

Family

English: Logo for the television show Modern F...

I remember when I took Sociology in high school and we were study the chapter on family structures.  According to that text the most dominate family structure was the Nuclear Family (A mom, A dad, and the kids) then there was the extended family of aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins. I don’t recall any definition about a family structure of friends and relatives.  Today’s society has reshaped the family structure and the modern family is much more than just the nuclear and extended family anymore…It is the social group that you choose to spend time with.  Plus you have the added change in society with more divorces, more domestic partnerships, and even more children who choose not to marry.  These factors can totally change the dynamic of the family structure, I feel.OURs... to fight for Freedom from Want is a co...

Thanksgiving is always a time when these factors become most clear, since so many people drag themselves across the country to spend three days with people they don’t even like all because “IT IS WHAT YOU DO” because Thanksgiving is about being with family and being thankful.  Then when you return home exhaustion sets in, and you go to work to complain about someone who was annoying the weekend. Although do be honest I don’t get it why do that if you don’t like it?  Not every holiday has to attempt at the being a Norman Rockwell holiday painting.  Frankly I think that is impossible anyway.

In my case it is more about who I choose to spend time with than who I am related to.  Given that I live 3,000 miles away from most of my family I have had to create my family where I live.  I love my family here in North Carolina just as much as I love my dad, step-mom, step siblings, and cousins back in Washington.  I still think that Generation X perhaps created the growth of the Modern Family, so many of us truly believe that life is too short to live in halves and if there are relatives we don’t like to spend time with, well we don’t, some of us even choose to erase their existence from our lives.  I mean why keep in touch with a person who constantly degrading you for your choices in life?  You wouldn’t support a friendship with a non relative for that kind of behavior, so why are siblings any different?  My family here in North Carolina love me, guide me, entertain me and I do the same for them.  I might be more entertaining than I am wise, but it works for us.

Valentines Day

My parents are awesome! They have always been there to support us, even if our ideas harebrained.  Like the time I wanted to make a velvet dress for Christmas Dinner and my Step-mom helped me fix my issues.  Being the youngest child of four is rather unique since our family is a blended one, I have three older step siblings – and we actually kind of like each other.  My dad, who I adore, remarried a lovely woman who I really like and who I am very proud to call my mom.  My step mom is crafty like me and very realistic about life. My dad I have spoken about before a bit, he is my dad and while I can’t ask him about car maintenance I can ask him about cooking, wine and beer. Even with the many miles between us we are relatively close, I also make sure to email or call them at least once a week.   For Valentines Day I got a great card from them. Handmade, of course.

It is always nice to know your family loves you.

My Mom

My mom passed away in September, about a week after her 65th birthday.  I haven’t said much about it to people because I haven’t really decided how I should feel about this.  You see I gave up on my mom 15 years ago.  She lived a life in denial about her abusive offspring and she seemed to see negative around her all the time.  It was one reason I had left the state and moved across the country, I needed to get away from the cycle and really become my own person.  I am not saying I didn’t love her, I did and I wanted her to be happy and have the best life possible but do you know how hard it is want that when the person doesn’t really want that in her life?

Today I was reading a blog by Daily Om about Thoughts and there was this part that talked about how your life is made up in reality by your thought patterns, if all you see is the negative then your life will be that and if you want to change your life you need to change your thoughts. It hit me that this was how my mom was and how I could turn out if I don’t remind myself to keep my thoughts positive.  So in 2012 I am going to work more consciously on making my sure my thoughts are positive.  I am not going to worry about the fact that there is bad traffic on the freeway, or that it takes longer than usual to get through the grocery check out, or someone I don’t like is smelly; instead I am going to focus on the fact that I am healthy, that I have a car I can drive around in, and look for the good in others.  I know that the looking for the good in others is the hardest for me, but I have a lot of time to work on that.

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