My mom passed away in September, about a week after her 65th birthday. I haven’t said much about it to people because I haven’t really decided how I should feel about this. You see I gave up on my mom 15 years ago. She lived a life in denial about her abusive offspring and she seemed to see negative around her all the time. It was one reason I had left the state and moved across the country, I needed to get away from the cycle and really become my own person. I am not saying I didn’t love her, I did and I wanted her to be happy and have the best life possible but do you know how hard it is want that when the person doesn’t really want that in her life?
Today I was reading a blog by Daily Om about Thoughts and there was this part that talked about how your life is made up in reality by your thought patterns, if all you see is the negative then your life will be that and if you want to change your life you need to change your thoughts. It hit me that this was how my mom was and how I could turn out if I don’t remind myself to keep my thoughts positive. So in 2012 I am going to work more consciously on making my sure my thoughts are positive. I am not going to worry about the fact that there is bad traffic on the freeway, or that it takes longer than usual to get through the grocery check out, or someone I don’t like is smelly; instead I am going to focus on the fact that I am healthy, that I have a car I can drive around in, and look for the good in others. I know that the looking for the good in others is the hardest for me, but I have a lot of time to work on that.